I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
