dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
