If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
