4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
