is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
