I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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