just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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