If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
