Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
