well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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