We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
