so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
