gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
