I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
