So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
40s are totally the cure
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
