somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
