My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
