And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize