The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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