he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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