Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
