I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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