we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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