Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
