Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Everclear isn't food dammit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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