my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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