my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
