i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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