New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
