It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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