i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
