Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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