I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
