I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
