Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Soap is not a condiment
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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