my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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