my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
