You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im holly from the hills drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
