I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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