If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
