I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
