They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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