im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
