can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
