someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
