Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
