I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
