I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
