I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
