peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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