Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
