I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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