On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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