i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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