you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
