what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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