So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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