well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
