Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
