just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
