I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
