I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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