So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
