why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I party with great urgency now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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