i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
