Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
