walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
